


Connor! I told you to quit it with that damn coin!

by Corveille



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Adorable Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Badass Upgraded Connor | RK900, Crack Fic, Cussing, Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Gavin Reed Being an Asshole, Gavin Reed Being an Idiot, Gen, Hank Anderson & Connor Friendship, Hank having a shitty day, coins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-04-06 19:44:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19069411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corveille/pseuds/Corveille
Summary: Hank is not having a good day when a vending machine decides to go deviant on him, refusing to give him what he wants.Luckily Connor comes in to help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a little thing that all started in the New ERA discord server https://discord.gg/GqvNzUm  
> And now this baby was born, enjoy.
> 
> (English is not my native language, so sorries for all those mistakes.)

“Come on you sack of shit,” Hank muttered as he gave three good kicks to the side of the fucking vending machine. His hands gripped at the edges in preparation to shake the damn thing, (maybe even bring it to the ground while at it) before the small, still sane portion of his brain told him it was too much effort for a simple bag of chips.

Hank banged his head against the glass and let out another curse, closing his eyes tightly as to not explode in a fit of rage. A rage that had been bubbling inside him for a while now. It’d been a culmination of things that had lead to such a sour mood.

First, he had woken up twenty minutes late, which consequently, had put a damper on his whole morning routine. Second, Sumo had made a fucking mess out of his kitchen while he _tried_ to get some breakfast done. Which resulted in a lot of barking, even more screaming, bits of scrambled eggs on the wall, bacon all over the floor and a mop dangling on top of the roof light.

At least Sumo had enjoyed the bacon.

In retrospective, he should’ve guessed things would not look up for the better with such a shitty morning, but he’d been hopeful that maybe, _just fucking maybe_ , whatever force was out there watching would grant him a miserable bag of cheap-ass chips.

Which brought him back to his current problem _aka_ , the vending machine in the break room that downright _refused_ to accept his stupid quarter. With stiff muscles, he introduced the coin back in the slot for the fifth time only to hear the familiar clink a few inches below. The machine decided to give him it’s own _delightful_ fuck you as a red light turned on, meaning he only had one last chance to not starve to death in this hell-hole of a working place.

“You fucking piece of--!”

“Lieutenant?”

“ _Fuck!_ ” Startled, Hank turned around and found himself looking a pair of goofy, brown doe-eyes that were staring at him, equal parts in concern and curiosity.

 “Jesus Christ Connor, warn a guy if you’re going to get this close,” he mumbled as he watched his white knuckles gain some color back. His heart was not as young anymore to go around and get jump-scared at every turn of his head.

“I, apologize.” Connor said quietly, looking back at him like a kicked puppy and with his LED stuck in a light yellow. God dammit, this kid was going to be his death. “Are you alright?” He asked in a lighter tone, adjusting the knot of his tie silently, quite the tic he had developed even before becoming a deviant. He eyed Hank for a moment, then the machine.

“Yeah, just this stupid thing isn't taking my coin,” Hank said and gave it another kick to show his point. As he put a hand over his face in frustration, a sudden idea came to mind. “Hey Connor, mind if I borrow that quarter of yours? Might have better luck with it.”

 “Of course, just one moment please.” Connor said, always so fucking polite, with a smile that Hank barely returned. He paid no mind to the android and turned to stare at all the goods trapped behind the glass. That’s it until the heard a loud humming to his right.

Hank’s first thought was that all his kicking had finally busted the useless machine, but no it was not coming _from_ or _anywhere near_ it. He followed the sound and got him to look back at the android.

Connor’s form had doubled over sightly, mouth wide open and hands cupped under it, almost as if he was waiting for something to come out. It didn’t take long for Hank to figure out where noise was coming from.

“Hey Con, are you okay?” But the only answer he got was a sharp buzz than soon turned into a deafening whirring. Hank’s hand clamped over his ears as he watched Connor move his head up and down. Even with his ears covered, Hank heard how the sound grew louder, then quieter and louder again, perfectly synchronised with the movements of the android’s head. It sounded like a broken robot that was having a stroke, a car toy that was running out of battery.

"Connor fucking what--?" He heard the android chock on something and Hank grew worried he was seconds away from needing to call some android ambulance to come to the precinct. Did they even had thirium around in here?

The noise changed. It changed to the sound of slight clinking as coins, _literal coins_ started to come out of the android’s mouth, falling onto the awaiting hands.

“Where the hell is that noise coming--Holy shit Anderson what the hell is your plastic pet doing?!” A muffled yell reached him. Hank uncovered his ears to see Gavin Reed staring at him from the entrance of the break room, eyes the side of dinner plates.

 

 

And frankly Hank had no idea what the fuck was happening, much less could he hope to answer...answer what? That Connor was nailing his best impression of a God damn slot machine in front of them? Had he fucking activated some casino-night-protocols by accident?

Finally, after what felt like hours, the last coin came down, and the noises stopped. Connor leaned back to look at the now, two bewildered officers staring at him in utter disbelief, confusion gained over his features.

“Is there a problem, lieutenant?” Connor addressed Hank first, LED changing its calm blue for a troubled yellow.

“Is there--? Of course I have a problem what the hell was that?!”

“I...retrieved some coins for you?” Connor said, this time unsure. Eyebrows furrowing as he looked at Hank for guidance. Was this kid serious?

“We have fucking eyes asshole, he meant how in the fresh fuck did you do that?” Gavin butted in and rested his back against a counter.

 “Oh...." Connor said dumbly before his eyes lighted up in understanding, "oh! I have a small compartment installed to safely keep and transport small items that could classify as evidence around. Though the instalment was never used during my time working in here, I realized it was a good way to keep a variety of objects that could otherwise get lost. Like coins.” And really, how was Hank suppose to react to that? He’d basically found out that his partner could work as a fucking child’s toy if he so damn wanted.

For fuck’s sake what the hell where those pretentious pricks at Cyberlife thinking?  
  
Gladly, he didn’t have to stand in an awkward silence for long. Gavin, loud as ever, knew just what to respond to that.

“Oh, oh my fucking God! I can’t believe they did-- you’re just a bunch of walking piggy banks holy fuck!” Gavin wheezed and wrapped his hands around his middle, choking on his crack of laughter, before coming to a sudden halt. “Wait if you can do that then that means….” Gavin let the sentence hang around them and looked back at the RK900 sitting in his terminal, sorting through case files.

With a devious grin even the devil would be jealous of, Gavin snatched one of the coins from Connor’s hands and twirled it between his fingers.

“Be right back~~,” he sang and made his way across the bullpen to his android partner. Hank limited himself to sigh at Reed’s stupidity, already imagining what Connor 2.0 would do to him. He just wished that the blood wouldn’t reach his desk.

“Lieutenant, the snack?” Connor asked as he brought his cupped hands closer to him, shaking them to show the remaining coins in all their shining glory. Honestly, after what Hank had seen? He had lost his appetite for the rest of the day.

 “Forget it, not hungry anymore,” He grumbled and shoved Connor’s hands away, the android's dexterity being the only thing that stopped the money from scattering around.

 “Alright, in that case…”Hank saw a flick of movement out of the corner of his eye and curiosity got the best of him. He watched, perturbed, how Connor slotted all the coins one after the other in his mouth and tilted his head back. The drilling sound came back, as the android’s throat bobbled up and down a few times. A round shape could be seen going down his neck after each swallow. Once done, Connor stared right at the slot in the vending machine, the one with the fake coin that had been the start of this nightmare.

Hank already knew what the kid was going to ask even before he opened his mouth.

“Lieutenant, may I also take your coin--.”

“No.”

“But Hank--.”

“Connor, _no_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what Niles will do to Gavin in the next part...  
> Thank you for reading this :D


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I don't know. This happened I guess.
> 
> Enjoy.  
> \---  
> (English is not my mother language, sorry for my mistakes.)

Nines heard more than watched the small commotion that went down in the break room. His scanners processed the information as his optics remained set on the terminal, looking through files he needed to work on. More accurately the work he and detective Reed had been doing together, until the man decided to ditch him with the excuse of a much needed coffee.

 

He was working on getting the last three reports in, when the all too familiar voice of the disaster that was his partner echoed through the bullpen.

 

"Hey dipshit." Nines watched as Gavin walked up to his terminal and sat on top of his desk without a care in the world. His optical units zoomed in on the coin on his hand, held between his index and middle finger.

 

"So a little bird told me you guys can--."

 

"No," he'd already calculated the reasons for Gavin's far-to-soon return from his coffee break, the quarter merely confirmed them.

 

"You didn't even let me--."

 

"Do not think, for a second, I was unaware of what took place in the break room," without moving from his spot, he gave the detective a piercing glare. "I was not made to entertain you like some toy, detective. Now if you excuse me I need to work on all the reports you were supposed to complete."

 

"So you admit to being a giant, walking piggy bank just like Connor then." Gavin teased, not at all discouraged by the fact that Nines could probably snap his neck in less than a second. It was not surprising anymore, Nines had learned by merit of being his partner that the man, indeed, had a tendency to fuck around with the wrong people.

 

"Your idiocy never ceases to amaze me."

 

"Harsh," was his partner's unintelligent retort, "but that's not a no." He continued, giving a pathetic attempt at winking, if it could ever be called that still. The detective inherent inability to wink properly was just as intriguing as it was annoying to Nines.

 

"Did you not have something better to do than engage in a pointless conversation? Indulge in your caffeine addiction, if I recall correctly."

 

"Oh come on you asshole," the detective had the audacity to whine at him as he tried to trust the coin into his mouth. Tried, for the moment that hand got within inches of Nines' lips strong fingers wrapped around his arm, deterring his progress.

 

"Do you not have any amount of self-preservation?" Nines asked with far less patience than before, making sure to add a bit more pressure. The other gave him a grin, looking all too cocky given the situation he was in.

 

"As if you would, Fowler would turn you to scraps before you could say sir." Perhaps he would, perhaps not. There was a three percent chance the man would even congratulate him for his efforts. But the fact remained that the Captain would certainly not be happy with Nines if he got him down an officer just for an insignificant dispute.

 

In addition, he needed to finish his work and the detective would only slow him down unless, of course, he took matters into his own hands

 

_[ **Mission updated:** Remind ~~this bitch~~ Detective Reed just who he's dealing with.]_

 

If what the detective wanted was a demonstration then he'd be more than happy to provide.

 

Without taking his eyes off him, Nines parted his lips slowly and released the additional set of teeth from their hidden compartments. There was a series of clicks as the inside of Nines' mouth changed to accommodate the new, sharp rows. 

 

His partner only got to utter a shocked "What the _hell_?" before those sharp fangs clamped on the coin, inches away from taking Gavin's fingers with them. 

 

He let go of the coin and took a step back as a soft humming began to emit from Nines, far quieter than Connor's and much more subtle. His body didn't move an inch, saved for the lower jaw as the dentition worked on the metal.

 

"Fucking terminator." Gavin mocked as he watched expectantly for something to happen as the hum got lower and the mouth stopped moving all together.

 

Nines' processors needed a minute to predict the best trajectory. Strength set and ready, he turned his head slightly to the left and spitted the small object out. The crushed coin flew right next to Gavin's head, whistled past his ear and embedded itself cozily in the wall behind him. Gavin crouched low when he felt it pass by, hand twitched for his holster as he turned to look a whatever had almost hit him. He stared at the coin shaped like a bullet for a second, then his eyes went back at Nines, then to the coin again.

 

Nines patiently waited for the shock to set in, and waited and--"What the fuck was that Nines? you could 've killed me!" With another hum Nines retracted the many rows of teeth back and locked his terminal, before standing up to stare down at the fuming detective that barely came close to his chin.

 

"My calibration skills far excedes anyone's in here, I assure you I wouldn't have." He shifted his chair back in place and walked up behind Gavin. "I was built to be the perfect killing machine, this shouldn't surprise you." He took special notice of the way the detective's throat moved as he swallowed. 

Putting a hand on the back of the detective's neck, Nines whispered in his ear.

"The reports were sent in. I'll be seeing you later, Gavin." His scanners picked up how the hair there moved as small shivers ran through the other's spine and his heart-rate grew higher in frequency.

Keeping his face impassive he walked to the front doors, leaving his dumbfounded partner behind. Though, his auditory sensors managed to hear Gavin's voice as he said to himself "okay, now I fear for my life."

He smirked as the [ **Mission Accomplished** ] appeared on his HUD.

\----

 

"Look Lieutenant, there seems to be a coin stuck in this wall--."

 

"God-dammit, Connor! I told you to quit it with that damn coin!"


End file.
